Can self-care be selfish?
You’ve probably heard the question, “What do you do for self-care?” at least once before. That’s no surprise, as “self-care” has become somewhat of a buzzword in the last few years. Lately, you may have also heard self-care being discussed in connection to selfishness, or maybe you even thought about it that way yourself. In some way, the connection seems obvious, as taking care of oneself often means putting others’ needs on pause. However, the missing piece here is that self-care is about replenishing and recharging our resources without depleting someone else’s.
Self-care vs. Self-indulgence
One of the most common misconceptions of self-care — which potentially perpetuates the view of self-care as selfish — is that it’s the same as self-indulgence. For example, getting a haircut or watching Netflix may feel great, and is at times needed, but these activities alone do not cover the complexity of what self-care is at the core. Self-care is a commitment to taking care of all the parts of who we are, and sometimes that can involve true effort.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation…”
— Audre Lorde
How do we do it then?
Self-care is an essential aspect of maintaining one's physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It can help individuals function better in their daily lives, including being more present for others. In general, self-care involves taking time to engage in activities that promote physical health, emotional stability, and mental clarity, such as exercising, meditating, getting enough sleep, and spending time with loved ones. If all that sounds a little too general to you (it does to me too), you may find it helpful to consider the following areas of your life — if they apply to you — and explore the examples of each.
Emotional Wellness: finding coping strategies that work for you so that you can deal with everyday life effectively, creating fulfilling relationships with others, staying on top of your work, seeking help such as therapy.
Spiritual Wellness: seeking to understand the values and beliefs that guide your sense of purpose and meaning in life by journaling, connecting with like-minded individuals or those that inspire you, travelling to new places, reading, etc.
Intellectual Wellness: finding ways to expand knowledge and skills, reading, staying curious, making time for your hobbies.
Physical Wellness: recognizing and prioritizing your need for movement, sleep and rest, balanced nutrition, and getting preventative medical care if possible.
Environmental Wellness: occupying pleasant and inspiring environments as well as caring for your surroundings such as your home, workplace, and neighbourhood.
Financial Wellness: living within your means, creating a budget, and planning for the future so that you can be as satisfied as possible with your current and future financial situation.
Occupational Wellness: finding ways to derive satisfaction and/or meaning from your work by engaging with your work, connecting with others in your field and contributing in ways that align with your values.
Social Wellness: seeking to connect with others, developing meaningful relationships (both personal and professional) and support systems that offer guidance.
It’s important to note that it is not necessary (nor possible) to contribute to each of these areas of wellness equally at all times, but it is helpful to try to consider each of them on a regular basis. You may also find it beneficial to create a habit within each area (e.g. going for a walk with a friend every week - physical, social and emotional wellness) to ensure that you’re managing your well-being regularly.
